For the first time in a long time, I have a whole hour to myself. To do all the things I’ve been wanting to do, all the things I’ve been desperate for some time to do them. And now that I have it, I feel overwhelmed. So much pressure to be productive and get stuff done. I’m paralyzed by what I should be doing first, where I should be focusing. And the coach in me says “you should have planned your goal for the day the night before” or “if it isn’t scheduled it won’t get done” or even “if you don’t have a drive or a passion, how will you know what steps you should be taking?”. Arg, shut up coach voice.

Truth is, I’ve come to believe or discover slowly that, sure, there may be things you get excited or may feel passionate about – but these are fluid, changing, transient. They may fluctuate, peak and fall, and peek again. And that’s ok. Maybe you just need a break. Maybe you just need to pivot slightly. Or maybe you thought it would be different and aren’t really interested anymore. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It does mean You had the courage to try.

So I guess, I’ll spend my time now organizing my thoughts, then organizing my space, then organizing my to-do list, and then I’ll go from there. And if all I achieve today is to get my mind right, then I’d say it was a good day.

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